He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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