even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
