But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
