Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
