So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dignity is for republicans.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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