During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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