Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
