You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
