The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
