I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
