I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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