omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
