Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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