My room smells like vodka and shame
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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