she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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