Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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