atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
