Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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