the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
