dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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