how can u be prego again
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dicks are not precious.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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