I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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