This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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