"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
