I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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