but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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