hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
