I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
