Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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