Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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