My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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