sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
