I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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