Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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