Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have already put on my inside pants.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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