Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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