I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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