yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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