So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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