I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize