Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
