I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
