He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it's like heaven, but drunker
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
