i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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