well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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