Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
