Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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