Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize