My first STD was from a foam party
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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