I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
