i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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