we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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