Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
