Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
