So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
