I look better un-naked...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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