im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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