One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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