dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
