he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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