Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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