i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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