Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
