I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
