Pappa wants mamma naked
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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