watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
