he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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